“Everyone’s daily posts end up going to shit so you can probably get away with whatever you want.” – Me, philosopher

That sexy featured image and mysterious title probably made you assume this would be a super useful blog post relevant to your life, right? Wrong.

It’s July 2nd, and we’ve already reached the point where I stare at my cursor and realize I have nothing to say. But I’m not going to complain, because there’s nothing worse than assholes who bitch about writer’s block when they chose to consistently blog in the first place.* Instead, I will provide for you (aren’t you fortunate?) a list of unrelated thoughts I’m having tonight.

  1. Hummus tastes good but chickpeas do not. This doesn’t seem to add up.
  2. This afternoon, I ran a whopping 1 mile in 83-degree heat. I’m basically Lance Armstrong.**
  3. Out of curiosity, I browsed my town’s Craigslist tonight. I don’t think 50-year-old men in my area have a very good understanding of the term “strictly platonic.” I am now experiencing what is commonly referred to as being “skeeved out,” and I shall forever be on my guard when I pass adult men in the grocery store.
  4. This afternoon’s sunshine was heavenly. The ghostly lines on my legs where my shorts stopped? Less heavenly, but at least hilarious.

Now wasn’t that fun? And educational! On that note, hopefully I’ll think of something more interesting to share tomorrow.

*This sentence is an example of a literary device called “hyperbole.” Some examples of things worse than my complaining about having to write a blog: war, torture, genocide, poverty, starvation, inescapable caste systems, disease, grief, loneliness, loss of limb, explaining the definition of “hyperbole” to people old enough to read internet blogs.
**I, too, am missing a testicle.***
***Two of them.

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