On the one side, I’m working hard and making good progress on side projects and working out every day, feeling good about myself. It’s like a really enthusiastic Zac Efron wearing pastels and nailing his choreography. But all the while, on the other side, there’s this depressive waste of space who eats a lot of cookies and finds it physically strenuous to put on pants. The anti-Efron. I’ve tried to force the latter side out of my brain. I’ve tried to make the two opposing mindsets converge or battle to the death or something. But as with everything in my personality, this situation is sort of all or nothing. I’m either ON or I’m OFF.
It occurred to me recently that it’s May. As in the fifth month of the year. As is in 2015 is almost halfway over. It’s one thing to let yourself feel necessary emotions when they’re necessary for the necessary healing process, but it’s another thing to let a year slip by while you’re hiding your head under your food-stained comforter. Does anyone know of any secret tricks that kill this problem? Is there some kind of aerosol spray I can buy? Is there an app for that?
Speaking of extremely addictive/pointless activities and the way my posture is giving me several excess chins, I want to talk about self-improvement. Starting today, I’m renewing my commitment to structure my life so tightly that there’s no room for wallowing. I’m going to be bigger than the forces trying to bring me down. I’m going to stop playing this High School Musical song oh god why.
I know that moderation is the cure for everything. You can’t expect your body and mind and soul to all work properly if you’re only feeding one of them. Everyone has certain unique needs, and denying yourself any of them can lead to feeling off-kilter. I know for a fact that, every day, I require:
- at least thirty minutes of exercise
- a good dose of sunshine and fresh air
- to write something for myself
- a solid conversation with someone I love
- fresh vegetables
- eight glasses of water
- to make something with my hands
Still, sometimes we sacrifice one or several of our needs because it’s convenient or because you‘d rather sit around and feel bad for yourself. Inevitably, that feeling-bad-for-yourself will soon turn to feeling-bad-about-yourself and then to being-a-drain-on-other-people, eventually resulting in all-around Shit. This kind of depression breeds on itself, and if your natural defense system against it is already weak or holed, you need to make conscious, everyday efforts if you’re going to combat the bastard. So balance. I’m working on balance.